Our weekend & Prayers.

You know how at times you plan to have things go a certain way - and then something happens and your "plan" goes to the wind and you end up feeling as if you're in a dream/nightmare and before you know it - you're in a position you never thought you would be?

This was our weekend. 

After a great NST on Thursday, we were feeling confident that our girls were doing well and that we had some time before the twins' arrival.

Friday night...all is calm and normal...we went to bed around midnight.

Around 2am, I have a dream that something is wrong with the babies and I am outside of our house and I need to get inside to get Erin and tell her we have to go to the hospital. I try to get in through the basement but all doors are locked so I go to get in the front door but there are hundreds of black and white cats on the steps to our house and I cannot get by so I start drop kicking the cats yelling for Er. (sorry kittens - not sure what you were doing in my dream? and sorry for kicking you all) 

I get to the front door and yell for Erin that something is wrong w/ our babies and we have to get to the hospital. She calmly says "Okay let's go." and picks up my snowboarding bag and we leave. (Apparently, both of us thought that my snowboard and gear were needed in the delivery room.)

After that part of the dream, I wake up and immediately think, "Something is wrong with my babies." 

I realized I was just dreaming and then I feel like I am peeing myself which wouldn't surprise me because of how heavy these lil girls are getting. I get up and feel the bed and I am surprised that I did not pee the bed so I start to walk towards the bathroom and turn on the light and I am feeling pee coming down my legs. 

I get to the light and turn it on and see that it is blood, not pee. I do not even think I panicked or screamed. I think I just said loudly, "Erin come in here...we have to to go the hospital." 
Erin comes in immediately and while remaining calm says, "Okay, lets go." She helps me clean myself up in a few seconds and we calmly spend a few minutes getting clothes on and we toss the dog in the car with us and leave. 

I am beyond impressed at Erin's ability to remain calm and keep me in check and get us out the door in minutes. 

The car ride gives me a chance to start panicking...we call my Mom and plan on meeting her at the hospital so she can take Tyson back to her house and then come back and meet us. We also page our OB who calls back in seconds and tells us to get to the hospital asap and he will meet us there. 

Side note - I told Erin I would drive? Hello-crazy-neurotic-prego-chick! Shut your mouth and get in the passenger seat.

Mind you - the hospital is about 30 minutes away....over an hour with traffic .. and here is Erin - at 2am on a rainy night keeping her cool, keeping me in check, and hauling ass to safely get us there. Major, MAJOR props to her.

The thoughts that went through my mind are things that still scare the shit out of me. I had no idea what was happening to my babies. 

How can this just happen? 

What is going on? 

I was in zero pain but bleeding profusely. 

How is that possible? 

Our girls are only 32 weeks and 6 days - they are too little. 

They can't come now. What is happening??? I clenched my ass, face, teeth, and hands the entire ride to the hospital praying that I could stop whatever was happening from happening.

We arrive at the hospital and throw the pup at my Mom - luckily, she has quick reflexes and he is only 15lbs and we head up to the Maternity unit where nurses were ready and waiting for us.

Within minutes, I was changed and in a hospital bed and in what felt like hours - even though it was only seconds - our nurse got monitors on both our girls. 

and we heard both heartbeats loud and clear. 

I do not know how to explain what a beautiful sound is - it is  subjective from person to person - to some its laughter or the ocean...

after that night....hearing my two babies heartbeats will always be the most amazing, breathtaking, and miraculous sound ever. 

Before we got to the hospital, I don't think I was convinced that I would ever hear their heartbeats again...because I had no idea what was happening. 

Erin and Mom were in the room with me and once we all heard both babies heartbeats I think we all started breathing again. Both heart rates were perfect - neither in distress. 

THANK GOD. THANK YOU DAD. THANK YOU GMOM. (I know you all had something to do with keeping our lil girls safe.)

Deep breath. Babies are okay for right now.  

So WTF is going on. 

Luckily, we have the most amazing team of OBs and one of our favorites was on call that night. He comes in and does a quick assessment of the girls and is happy to see that they look good and he goes to examine me. 

Originally, he thought one of my waters had broken but upon further examination he was confident that my waters were both in tact but it was appearing that we had a placental tear or partial abruption. 

Granted, I tend to spend TOO much time researching online and had read about both of these but from what I had read, that meant immediate delivery. Doc was relaxed and damn good at explaining everything he was doing to us in non-medical language. 

We continued and he felt confident that it was not my water breaking which meant that immediate delivery was not necessary also, the bleeding was slowing so that also meant no need to immediately deliver. 

At 4am on a Saturday morning, some luxuries at a hospital are not available. Enter the archaic ultrasound machine that I am pretty sure was operating on MS-DOS. Our OB starts an u/s and is happy that in the grey mess on the screen that looks nothing like our usual u/s screens, he locates amniotic fluid pockets around both babies. Granted baby B's was much lower but still sufficient. Deep breath again. 

This meant my waters did not break. I was 1cm dilated and about 20% effaced (I think 20% - can't remember exactly - blame it on the lack of sleep)

So things are progressing but all is still okay....

The monitors were picking up contractions but I was in ZERO pain. These contractions continued throughout the 2 days in the hospital and are still going on now - but relatively pain free. 

Apparently, the Perinatal Testing Center who does our usual ultrasounds is closed on the weekends. A fact that still baffles me. At a huge, well known and well respected hospital, on weekends you only have access to an u/s machine that was made in 1985? To get a clear accurate read of your babies, you have be seen between the hours of 8-5 M-F. 
Don't worry - I had a talk with the girls that they must plan these occurrences around regular business hours as this whole not knowing shit is for the birds. 

We begin the wait...babies on monitors and stable and we try to get some sleep (which was impossible as you can imagine)

The next hours are a blur of nurses in and out - amazing nurses at that who took amazing care of not only our girls, but also of me and Erin. 
Erin has comment cards from the hospital all ready to be filled out and mailed back in so we can give our nurses the props they deserve!

We spend the day and night again in the hospital and all is calm. Babies heart rates are perfect. Bleeding has subsided. I am allowed to walk around the room and this morning, took the most amazing shower of my life. After being in hospital for 24 hours, a shower was a wonderful feeling. Even if the towel I was given was 12 inches by 12 inches and I would have scared small children if they had seen me in it - it still was perfect.

Our girls also received two shots to help boost their lung strength and build their surfactant. This shot is a life saver for preemie babies. We are lucky that our girls have the shot and will be that much stronger whenever the decide to arrive.

We were beyond lucky to get visitors from some of our amazing family members who brought stress-relief, Rita's Water Ice, bagels, coffee, and major reassurance that our girls would be okay. Thank you all more than we can say <3

Early this afternoon, we met with out doc again and he informed us that he had conversations with the Perinatal Testing Center on-call doc and he feels we are safe to go home based on the babies heartbeats being strong and steady and the fact that the bleeding had subsided and strongly weighing on the fact that I already had a NST scheduled for 10am tomorrow which now would be paired w/ an u/s followed by a trip up to see our OB. 

(side note - the Perinatal Testing Center has an on-call doc available for phone conversations but not to come in and perform ultrasounds? Who designed this business plan? Needs some tweaking)

So now..we wait. and pray. and don't stress. 

Sounds simple, right? 

Doc seems to think that Sawyer's amniotic fluid levels may be the trigger that will cause the Perinatologist to suggest an early delivery.

On the AFI (amniotic fluid index), docs like to see singleton babies with an AFI of 5. 
As of our most recent u/s last Monday, Peyton had an AFI of 8.4 and Sawyer of 4.8. 
We have come to learn that for twins, an AFI of 2 is acceptable. So, as of last week, Sawyer was still in the clear - but still of concern as her AFI number was decreasing.

After tomorrows NST and u/s, we will get a better read on what happened this weekend with the bleed - IF and thats a big IF they are able to detect a tear or abruption has occurred BUT doc says to hope that they cannot see it on an u/s because if it is detectable, then that means that it is BIG and delivery is most likely going to happen asap whereas if it is undetectable, that means it was a small tear that appears to have healed itself as I am not currently bleeding....but then we also may not even find out what exactly happened this past weekend. Sooo....tough situation BUT we are just trying to focus on our babies growing and we are thankful of each hour they stay cooking.

We were released and, at the docs instruction, have moved into my Mom's house that is located 1/10 of a mile from the hospital. Being so far away at our house was not an option as the doc thinks that it is a possibility that we may have another bleed....then maybe another...then eventually a BIG bleed that would cause delivery to be imminent. Granted, this is all speculation based on his years of experience and what he sees on our tests. 

So really - we just wait. 

We wait for more contractions...and pray they stay painless. 

We pray that we do not ever experience another bleed. 

and we pray that we make it through this hour..and the next hour...and the next hour..without incident. 

and we send a huge effin THANK YOU to everyone for their prayers over the past 2 days. 

We will hopefully get more answers tomorrow and will be sure to update ASAP. 

Until then, we will spend tonight praying and hoping and over analyzing every twinge I feel in hopes that it is a calm, uneventful evening followed by doc appts and test in the morning that bring some reassuring news about our girls. 

Prayers.