Sunday, January 27, 2013

9 weeks

9 weeks today yay!

Our lil ones are growing...5 days until our next appt (this Thursday) and per the usual, it cannot get here soon enough!!! Always feels like such a long wait for the appt to get here! 

I have been MIA this week as all I have been holding vigil next to G all week...She is hanging in there but pain which is most important...we will see what this week brings...

If only beanie and squishy would be able to meet our G...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Big raspberries

Our lil bambinos are growing! 
20 mm each - the size of big raspberries - growing right on schedule for our due date at the end of this summer.
Heartbeats are perfect!

We really are so lucky to still have these weekly check ups on our lil ones. It is so reassuring to see them and their heartbeats and hear the u/s tech marvel at how well they are doing!
Esp when I have those days where I wake up and do not "feel" pregnant...I still pee on a stick to be sure and spend my time counting down the days to our next appt! 

We are still beyond elated and cannot even put into words how amazing this is!!!!!!

Here they are - Squishy on the top - Beanie on the bottom.

I have all of our photos together - starting with our blastocysts photos all the way up through every doc appt and ER visit and emergency doc visit and it really is amazing to see how these lil ones have grown! I'll have to post the timeline sooner or later..maybe once we hit 12 weeks and our visits are less frequent.

We are proceeding with taking care of G on hospice...such a sad and hard time this is....prayers prayers prayers....

Monday, January 21, 2013


Good news or bad news first? 

Since this blog is a tale of our bambinos, I'll start with the good news...The bambinos have been doing great!!!! 
They are 8 weeks and 1 day old :) The size of raspberries. 
Our last u/s last week showed strong heartbeats and perfect growth - yay!!
In 2 days we go back again for another u/s and it cannot come soon enough! Over anxious to see their heart beats and check up on them again...I'll be sure to update with an 8 week 3 day pic after the appt. 

On the OHSS front - all has been calm - PAIN FREE for about 48 hours now and no pain meds yay 
It is nice to get back to only taking the pills (prenatals, folic acid, etc) that I am taking to help these babies!!! 

We have shared our news with more of our family and it is so amazing to bring such great news esp when we have some sad news that follows...

It appears that we are going to have to say goodbye soon to our beloved G. Our Grandmom and the strong matriarch of our family. She has been in the hospital over a week now which was very, very tough when I was sick and in a different hospital because I could not see her for a few days but I have been lucky to spend the past 5 days by her side. It does not appear that she will be getting any better so we will be starting hospice soon. It is always hard to lose someone you love but for some reason it is even harder with G. 
She is such an amazing lady. Smart as all hell and sarcastic to boot. 
We do plan on using G's maiden name of Grier in one of our bambinos names....which is a tribute to her that I know she would be honored by. 

Friday, January 18, 2013

BACK! I hope for good....

I don't even know if I have words for Erin's post below...through tears - slightly hysterical I believe due to exhaustion paired with 6 days of narcotics and pain .. Such a roller coaster this journey continues to be. She has been beyond words amazing the past week.....I still do not think I can put into words my gratitude and non-stop appreciation, thanks, and love for her. 

Most importantly, our bambinos are doing great. They are growing and each day we have seen their heartbeats. We have gotten more pics each time and I will be sure to get them up here sometime soon.  

We now have another 5 days before our next u/s and the wait, as usual, is killer. 

It has been finally concluded that it is severe OHSS which I have speculated for the past month but was never sure as we were never given an exact answer. This past week, after days of pain and honestly, torture, I called my obgyn and asked for his help. He was more than willing to reach out to my RE and attempt to help. I truly believe that this nudge from my OB is what kicked my RE into full steam and truly caused him to step up and help us. We could not take the pain anymore...It was too much. 

We now have some answers and medications to help with the next few weeks in hopes that all heals up and goes down quickly. 

Praying the u/s Wednesday will show not only 2 strong, healthy babies.

I still feel sick as all hell. The pain is manageable and under control and I am constantly decreasing my dosage which I find reassuring as it is putting less into my bod that could possibly hurt the babies - even though the docs reassure me that none of these meds can hurt them - and also as some slight reassurance that the OHSS is going down and perhaps soon, will be gone. I am trying to get back to normal. Today 15 minutes of light cleaning put me on my ass for 2 hours. 
and typically, I like to clean and can do it for 4 hours no problem but my bod is not what it should be right now...

We do have a small baby bump that has appeared the past few days. I am contributing in part to the swelling that OHSS can cause but the lil bump is mostly our bambinos growing so strong!!

I hope to be back sooner rather than later. Until then praying and hoping nonstop!

superhuman strength

I don't post on here too often, this blog is mostly Mel's "baby". After the week we have had, I feel compelled to write about it and to recognize the amazing strength Mel has had this week.Mel was on bed rest going into last weekend, and on Saturday things took a unexpected turn. Mel began to have excruciating pain in her right side, the same thing that happened a month ago. I won't get into the terrible details, but we were in and out of the hospital, Doctors office, ER for 5 days. Mel didn't sleep for almost 4 days, she could barely move, couldn't eat or drink without getting terribly sick. I have never seen someone in so much pain. I got to a point where I could hardly take her pain anymore. It was one of the toughest weeks I have ever experienced. I must say, going through this, I learned a lot.

1. Mel is the strongest person i know. She made it through this, she handled the pain and uncertainty and fear with such courage. I am so lucky to have such a strong partner. I now know she can get through anything. For most of the week, we didn't even know what was causing this, if she might need surgery, if the babies would be okay, but she kept trucking, minute by minute and hour by hour.

2. I will never take being healthy for granted again. Every morning that I wake up feeling healthy, able to get out of bed and walk around, get in my car, and go to work/school/the grocery store, i will be thankful for it. I have been blessed to have such a healthy life, and i will be thankful for every minute that Mel and the babies are healthy and happy.

3. We are really a family. Mel has obviously been my family for years now, but going through a struggle like this really makes you see your life in a different way. We have created an amazing life for ourselves and we are so lucky to be bringing two healthy wonderful children into our family. Mel and these babies are the most important thing in my life without a doubt, and i am so happy to spend the rest of my life looking after them and doing all I can to make their lives better. I feel like i have more purpose than I ever have before, and i'm so grateful for that.

Thank god Mel is feeling a lot better today than before. I'm hoping with rest she will be back to 100% soon. on another note, out of nowhere she has a little belly now! its hard as a rock, its amazing how cute she looks. I'm looking forward to every day of her pregnancy until our bambinos get here!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


Obviously, I have been totally MIA the past few days thanks to hospital stays, meds, sleepless nights, tears, frustrations...the list could go on and on...

The best rest this past weekend merged into terrible right ovary pain - the same as last month which landed me in the hospital for 2 days - so life really has been tough.

Trying to look on the bright side - we have had u/s everyday and the bambinos look amazing. Both measuring perfectly at 7.5 weeks and heart rates are perf (144 and 146) Back to doc again tomorrow morning to see them again and discuss the pain that is still occurring hourly. Another positive is that the bleeding that I had last week has clotted on its own and doc is not worried at all - yay!

Trying to stay positive but its effin hard when your life is consumed with pain...I'll be sure to update in full detail in a few days once back on my feet....


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Still here....

Well, I'm still here....sitting/laying here....Been on bed rest about 22 hours and already going effin crazy....I do not believe that there is a website that I have not yet perused...Hours of tv...combined with whining and restlessness have pretty much been my life....

Typically, if I had down time I would clean, visit the fam, run errands, or search online for fun baby stuff and make mental notes of stuff I plan to get. Obvi, the first 3 choices are out and the 4th does not seem as appealing right now...too much worry about these bambinos to focus on the positive...

Now I'm off to watch yet another episode of the Walking Dead that is freakin disturbing as all hell and not a show I would watch but it's keeping my mind occupied/disgusted for a solid 43 minutes so I'll take it. 

Friday, January 11, 2013


Another bump on this roller coaster journey is upon us....

I had some bleeding last night and this morning so off to the doc I went today for an u/s. 

The tech saw an area that was bleeding in my uterus which describes the bleeding I was having. We looked at both babies and they both look great - strong lil heartbeats and measuring at 7mm. This bleeding area was not there in my u/s that I just had 2 days ago....

Talked with the doc and he put me on strict bed rest until Monday morning when I am back in his office for another u/s. He really could not say what is causing this bleeding. He said that seeing as how our babies have met all of their mile stones - heartbeat, size, etc - that a miscarriage is unlikely but I must stay on bed rest and follow his orders to make sure nothing happens. 

This is beyond effin scary. I don't know how I could NOT worry and think about these bambinos nonstop for the next 60 hours until our appt. Having no control over my bambinos is torture....I wish there was something..anything that I could do to make sure they keep thriving.....of course bed rest is one thing I can do and will do for the next few days but this truly is terrible. I wish this feeling on no one. 

Even though our babies are young, I am over my head and heart in love with them....I want nothing more than to keep them both safe and healthy for the next 9 months and then for the rest of their lives...

Many, many prayers needed for these two lil loves.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

6.5 weeks!

Today's appt went fantastic!!!!! Our lil ones are measuring 5.5 and 6mm and are on track for DUE DATE: September 1st!!!!
Still early so LOTS of hoping and prayers still needed but Doc was VERY impressed at the heartbeats and informed us that our miscarry chances are now below 5% OH HELL YES!!!! How effin lucky are we!??! 

Also, we got the green light to stop the prog oil shots THANK GOD as my ass is killing me and move to the prog in cream form (Crinone) which is much easier and now we can avoid those 7am alarms on the weekend to do the shot. Our days of sleeping in are numbered (which is a good thing :) so we are taking FULL advantage! Not to mention these lil ones are sucking all of my energy out of me..... I could nap for 3 hours everyday if life allowed...All MORE than worth it to meet our lil ones someday soon :)

I think I may have abused :)'s in this post but it is just one of those days :)

Here are our lil ones :) Can't wait to see how big they will get by next week!!!! 

Monday, January 7, 2013

6 weeks!

Today is the 6 week birthday of our lil Squishy and Beanie! Such an amazing feeling to have our lil ones growing so strong. 

The wait between ultrasounds is torture. I wish they wanted us in twice a week purely for my own curiosity slash obsession over how these lil ones are doing. The worry over the not knowing how they are doing is killer. Trying not to stress TOO much. 

While I am enjoying every second of this pregnancy, I do wish I could fast forward 6 more weeks to the end of the 1st trimester to have some reassurance that these two lil ones are strong, determined lil guys! 

Outside of worrying, I am exhausted and in bed earlier than I have been in years which is FINE by me. If these lil ones want me to sleep, then sleep lots I shall do. 

2 more days til our appt this week...cannot get here soon enough. Hoping and praying to see 2 strong lil heartbeats and healthy growing babies. 

Friday, January 4, 2013

Ain't that the truth....

and such a wonderful time it is. 

I am beyond lucky to be a part of it! :)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

An awesome lil vid

Check out the great vid below....Seriously, it is beyond amazing how these lil ones form...

As of right now at 5.5 weeks, we have 2 lil sesame seeds that we love so much already. 


I have been working on this post for a bit and it has been a challenge as there are SO many thoughts going through my head surrounding the fact that we are having twins and I am trying to paraphrase as best as possible but holy hell - it is A LOT! 

Anyway - here we go! 

When we were at the doc's office yesterday and the u/s tech began the u/s we were so excited to see something...even though we were not sure what we were looking for as this was our first pregnant u/s. She casually stated, 'There are your two babies' I turned my neck as much as possible when laying in stirrups to look at Erin w/ my 'HOLY EFFIN SHIZ' combined with 'OMG AMAZING' face. We were both shocked, to put it mildly. 

One of us must of asked the tech to show us and she circled around the two small dots that are OUR babies..not just OUR baby but OUR TWO babies!!!!! We are lovingly referring to them as beanie and squishy for the next few months until we find out the genders (which we are absolutely 1000% finding out due to my need to organize as much as possible before the babies arrive to make the first months as easy as possible and Erin's curiosity)

We knew from our HPT's and our blood work last week that we were prego..but we never imagined that it was TWINS. How effin lucky can two people be!? This is amazing. 

My hospital stint 3 weeks ago definitely caused me to not even consider the idea of twins...for no valid reason other than it scared the eff out of me that we had ANY chance of getting pregnant with such pain and with so many meds pumping through my system less than 24 hours post ET. 

Well, miracles effin happen and our bambinos are proof of that. Granted, we are still early in our pregnancy - approx 5.5 weeks so many many many prayers and positive thoughts needed that both beanie and squishy keep growing and are healthy!! Our doc informed us that our miscarrying rate right now is 12% and after next weeks u/s (when we will hopefully hear the heartbeats) the chances go down to 5%. PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS!

After leaving our appt we hopped on the phone to call a few family members and closest friends and OF COURSE its the middle of a work day and no one has their cell on them. After a few tries, we were able to give our news which was AMAZING!!! It feel so so good to pass on news that not only makes us so unbelievably, immeasurably happy but also makes those around us just as happy! 

We spent the majority of the day lost in the 'omfg-ness' of our news and thinking about how freakin lucky we are. Also creeping in were the thoughts of 'oh shit - we are IN FOR IT!!!' 

Last night we began discussing our next steps meaning 1) Where to move to? 2) Saving moolah 3) Baby supply shopping 4) The wifeys extreme happiness that we will both have a baby to snuggle nonstop as she knows what a baby hog I am. 

First off is where to live. Currently, we live in a kick ass 4th floor apt in the city that we LOVE. It is huge and in an awesome location BUT there is no way that we are going to tote TWO infants up to the 4th floor. Of course we have an elevator but our building was built in the 1920's and the owners have been cognizant to preserve the historical aspects of the building which means we still have the old, tiny elevators with the door and gate going across. There is no way a stroller, let alone a double wide, will fit in there. Pretty much to sum it up - we must move which I am not opposed to. I'll be sad to leave the city if we have to as this is 1000% the community that we want to raise our kids in but time will tell....For right now, casual searching of houses for sale as well as for rent is ensuing! 

Beyond the logistics of where to live which will inevitably be figured out in time, is the MONSTROUS fact of HOLY SHIT HOW ARE WE GOING TO HANDLE TWO BABIES? 
When we began our fertility journey w/ IUI, we knew multiples were always a chance thanks to the Clomid...and of course, we were aware with IVF that multiples were a chance so we had the thought in our head but never really thought it would and could happen to us. It still feels surreal and I may just ramble and repeat myself as I am still processing that this is actually true. 
Now, its here. TWINS. Holy hell. I feel so happy. So amazed. So lucky. I have over flowing faith that we are going to kick ass at parenting multiples and while I may have blinders on - I KNOW this will be an amazing journey. 

I know I am going to have many more thoughts/feelings/panic attacks to add but for now, we are continuing our hoping and praying nonstop that both our bambinos grow bigger and stronger and healthy!!!! 
I am enjoying sleeping on my stomach until it is no longer an option and unfortunately, the pregnancy insomnia has set in and most nights I am up from 3-6am. Thank goodness for our iPad and Netflix. 
OH and the PREGNANCY DREAMS. WTF is going on in my brain? Every night it is something else that is just EXTREME! Ranging from helping an old grade school friend break out of prison to having to audition for a talent show. INSANITY. 

I'll happily take on the extra lbs, sleepless nights, and crazy whack job dreams if it means having two healthy, happy bambinos to snuggle and hold and never let go...

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Well, it appears that I may need to change the title of this blog to our BAMBINOS STORY as we had our first u/s this morning and we had not 1 but 2 beautiful bambinos growing!!! 

How freakin amazing is this!?!?

Here they are! Our two lil bambinos!

It is still early so we need to keep praying and hoping that both keep growing as healthy as can be. 

Still feels so surreal....and amazing.