Thoughts.

I have been working on this post for a bit and it has been a challenge as there are SO many thoughts going through my head surrounding the fact that we are having twins and I am trying to paraphrase as best as possible but holy hell - it is A LOT! 

Anyway - here we go! 

When we were at the doc's office yesterday and the u/s tech began the u/s we were so excited to see something...even though we were not sure what we were looking for as this was our first pregnant u/s. She casually stated, 'There are your two babies' I turned my neck as much as possible when laying in stirrups to look at Erin w/ my 'HOLY EFFIN SHIZ' combined with 'OMG AMAZING' face. We were both shocked, to put it mildly. 

One of us must of asked the tech to show us and she circled around the two small dots that are OUR babies..not just OUR baby but OUR TWO babies!!!!! We are lovingly referring to them as beanie and squishy for the next few months until we find out the genders (which we are absolutely 1000% finding out due to my need to organize as much as possible before the babies arrive to make the first months as easy as possible and Erin's curiosity)

We knew from our HPT's and our blood work last week that we were prego..but we never imagined that it was TWINS. How effin lucky can two people be!? This is amazing. 

My hospital stint 3 weeks ago definitely caused me to not even consider the idea of twins...for no valid reason other than it scared the eff out of me that we had ANY chance of getting pregnant with such pain and with so many meds pumping through my system less than 24 hours post ET. 

Well, miracles effin happen and our bambinos are proof of that. Granted, we are still early in our pregnancy - approx 5.5 weeks so many many many prayers and positive thoughts needed that both beanie and squishy keep growing and are healthy!! Our doc informed us that our miscarrying rate right now is 12% and after next weeks u/s (when we will hopefully hear the heartbeats) the chances go down to 5%. PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS!

After leaving our appt we hopped on the phone to call a few family members and closest friends and OF COURSE its the middle of a work day and no one has their cell on them. After a few tries, we were able to give our news which was AMAZING!!! It feel so so good to pass on news that not only makes us so unbelievably, immeasurably happy but also makes those around us just as happy! 

We spent the majority of the day lost in the 'omfg-ness' of our news and thinking about how freakin lucky we are. Also creeping in were the thoughts of 'oh shit - we are IN FOR IT!!!' 

Last night we began discussing our next steps meaning 1) Where to move to? 2) Saving moolah 3) Baby supply shopping 4) The wifeys extreme happiness that we will both have a baby to snuggle nonstop as she knows what a baby hog I am. 

First off is where to live. Currently, we live in a kick ass 4th floor apt in the city that we LOVE. It is huge and in an awesome location BUT there is no way that we are going to tote TWO infants up to the 4th floor. Of course we have an elevator but our building was built in the 1920's and the owners have been cognizant to preserve the historical aspects of the building which means we still have the old, tiny elevators with the door and gate going across. There is no way a stroller, let alone a double wide, will fit in there. Pretty much to sum it up - we must move which I am not opposed to. I'll be sad to leave the city if we have to as this is 1000% the community that we want to raise our kids in but time will tell....For right now, casual searching of houses for sale as well as for rent is ensuing! 

Beyond the logistics of where to live which will inevitably be figured out in time, is the MONSTROUS fact of HOLY SHIT HOW ARE WE GOING TO HANDLE TWO BABIES? 
When we began our fertility journey w/ IUI, we knew multiples were always a chance thanks to the Clomid...and of course, we were aware with IVF that multiples were a chance so we had the thought in our head but never really thought it would and could happen to us. It still feels surreal and I may just ramble and repeat myself as I am still processing that this is actually true. 
Now, its here. TWINS. Holy hell. I feel so happy. So amazed. So lucky. I have over flowing faith that we are going to kick ass at parenting multiples and while I may have blinders on - I KNOW this will be an amazing journey. 

I know I am going to have many more thoughts/feelings/panic attacks to add but for now, we are continuing our hoping and praying nonstop that both our bambinos grow bigger and stronger and healthy!!!! 
I am enjoying sleeping on my stomach until it is no longer an option and unfortunately, the pregnancy insomnia has set in and most nights I am up from 3-6am. Thank goodness for our iPad and Netflix. 
OH and the PREGNANCY DREAMS. WTF is going on in my brain? Every night it is something else that is just EXTREME! Ranging from helping an old grade school friend break out of prison to having to audition for a talent show. INSANITY. 

I'll happily take on the extra lbs, sleepless nights, and crazy whack job dreams if it means having two healthy, happy bambinos to snuggle and hold and never let go...