Thursday, December 27, 2012


Well this was the best freakin' Christmas week that I have EVER had. 

We received our BFP this week after taking an HPT. WOOOOHOOO!!

We also had our beta on 12/26 and HCG levels were 1,037!!! 


Before receiving our BFP, I assumed that once we received it - if we ever did on this crazy journey - that all worries would cease...NIEVE much??   If anything now I am even more worried over every twinge and worrying nonstop that all is progressing as it should....I am so thankful our doc is over protective while still in his care (until end of 1st tri) that he has us in weekly for blood work and u/s to keep an eye on things. 

AND in my typical anil fashion, I have purchased a few more HPTs so I can test whenever I feel the need. Waste of money I know but at least it can help cut down on the worry. (in theory at least!)

Praying and hoping nonstop!!!!!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Ob-la-di - ob-la-da

To be sucks. I am in such a funk that I cannot kick. 

I am having AF like cramps and totally bummin over it. I know that this all could be related to my bod just getting back to normal after the mass amount of shots this past few weeks but it is quite disheartening....

I spoke to the doc to get a refill on the prog oil and I asked about these cramps and pretty much, I just have to suck it up and wait....They did say I can test early (before my blood PG test on the 26th) so we will do a HPT on the 23/24th....Never before have I wished and hoped for something so so much............

Going to try and shake this funk. Deep breath.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Food for thought.

A wise person passed along this quote to me today....

"If some good thing is going to happen you will face little bad things before..."

I need to remind myself of this a lot these days as I CANNOT stop worrying about how last weeks pain may have affected our IVF this cycle...Everything was so perfect...our blastocysts were beautiful and strong....all numbers were perfect..until the pain started....which cut into the 24 hour bed rest as well as my mental state of staying relaxed...

Keeping on hoping...

Blood work & worrying.

Bright and early this a.m. I was off to get blood work taken. Completely unrelated to the hospital stay this past week...This was scheduled to check progesterone and estrogen levels.

I got to chat w/ one of our awesome nurses @ MLF who assured me that none of the events from this past week could affect our embryos...I effin hope she is right. She really thinks the pain was caused from bleeding in the right ovary as a result of the retrieval the prior Saturday. I do not care what the cause and I will go through it again if needed as long as this cycle is a success.....

Trying not to worry but it is impossible not to. Luckily, I have been pain free since Saturday evening and taking NO pain meds. 

Fingers crossed nonstop. It would be such an amazing Christmas blessing to have this be our month. 

Deep breath. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Lots to tell....

Well it has been an effin roller coaster the past 48 hours...

Our ET was on Thursday at 11am and was perfect....We transferred 2 beautiful embryos and froze 3 other perfect lil guys...

We came home for our 24 bed rest and a few hours later I was SLAMMED with terrible pain in my right ovary area...It was effin HELL. The pain led to vomiting and seriously, just agony. I got through the night and the next morning woke up feeling slightly better...then BAM! pain back again ..... Around 11am I could not take it anymore so off to the ER we went. The ER is about 10 mins away but that ride felt like it took 3 effin hours..I was hurting so bad. MAJOR props to the wifey for keeping her cool and getting us there! 

We had been on the phone w/ our RE a few times and we were getting advice that was USELESS. They recommend to take some tums....EFFIN TUMS FOR AGONY? I might as well eat a damn tic tac because it will have the same affect. 

So off we went...the ER staff were amazing....they hustled me some strong narcotics in me which eased the pain...the day continued with pain coming back approx 30 mins after I was given the pain liver must of been pumping that shit through as it was not long lasting! The day also was filled with tests, blood work, more puking, more pain, trans-vag and regular u/s, a lot of waiting, more puking, more pain. 

The staff was great and made sure that all meds they were giving me would not affect our embryos. I am still praying nonstop that this round of IVF was not affected by this sickness? illness? not sure what to call it as they are not sure what exactly was going on.

I was admitted and stayed over night where as soon as we got settled in our room the pain meds took a turn for the worst and made me BEYOND ITCHY. Uncontrollably itchy. So a double dose of benadryl was given THANK GOD as that helped me get a few hours of snoozin last night. 

Once discharged this morning, we headed right to the RE for another u/s and to discuss an overview of what all occurred. He thinks I had a blood filled follicle left over from retrieval that was leaking into my ovary and uterus that eventually burst...Not 100% sure....He was an amazing help and offered some assurance that this did not affect the embryos...but I am still beyond worried...

I kept thinking to myself that this is all worth it for our soon to be present bambino and I still believe that even if this is not part of the "routine" IVF process - I would go through it again and again to have our lil bambino with us someday soon. 

Major deep breath needed and positive thoughts more than ever...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

4 day old embryos

Well our lil embies are 4 days old. 

UNFORTUNATELY, our embryologist does not give a day 4 update...I wish I could call and just find out what is going on but they told me yesterday they like to let them rest from the end of day 3 to day 5 so I'll stay busy...and try to stop thinking and worrying...but thats pretty much impossible.....

We are heading in tomorrow at 10:30 then 24 hours of bed rest... then a busy effin weekend which I am thankful for so I STOP WORRYING....It is out of our control now...all we can do is keep up on our meds, eat healthy, get lots of sleep, and hope hope hope and pray pray pray that this will be successful. 

Erin and I have both been guilty of reading TOO much online...the mix of horror and success stories is astounding.

Never before hoped for something so much...sounding like a broken record I know....Hoping and wishing nonstop.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Implantation THURSDAY!

Well, our lil embryos are now 3 days old!! 

Talked to our embryologist this morning and all NINE of our embryos are progressing!!!!! All have split into 6-8 cells and all are grades A and B....

I have never put so much of my thoughts, hopes, and prayers into one thing before. 

Hoping this is our month SO much...Positive thoughts!!!!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Day 2 post retrieval

Just heard from our embryologist for our day 2 update. 

The 9 eggies are doing great - all have split into 2-4 cells and we are tentatively scheduling transfer for tomorrow morning at 9am however, around 7am the doc and embryologist will meet and assess the eggies and decide if a day 5 transfer would be better and if that is the case, we will reschedule for Thursday.

NOW...the waiting continues...I am doing all I can to stop googling...stop thinking...just relax and focus on anything else but holy shit, it is hard!! This is all I can think about....

I think I'll go walk the dog..that will take care of the next 5 minutes.

Deep breath. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012


Retrieval went PERFECT on Saturday...It gives me so much hope that we are in such capable, caring hands of our doc and nurses..they are all so amazing...

The actual retrieval was quick and amusing...I remember going under anesthesia talking to the anesthesiologist about martinis and that is the extent of my memory! Apparently, we discussed martinis and margaritas and I woke up 30 mins later talking to my pup who obvi was no where around...We all got a good laugh at my drugged self and I took a quick snooze then was good to go for the rest of the day. 

15 eggs retrieved

Found out today that 9 of the 15 are mature eggs

the 9 have been fertilized! 

Now the waiting...wishing..and hoping...

The lab calls everyday with an update ... I WISH it could be a hourly update - as unrealistic as that is...I just cannot stop worrying and wishing and hoping..I know I sound like a broken record...This is just consuming me! 

I feel some pain/discomfort today but nothing terrible...absolutely 100000% worth it for our lil bambino to join us hopefully someday VERY soon. 

We have started our progesterone oil shots..which the wifey is doing perfectly! Almost no pain at lucky to have someone who is willing to stick me numerous times a day with a needle esp when she typically faints during conversations that focus on medical procedures :)

Keeping on the wishing and hoping...NONSTOP! 

Thursday, December 6, 2012


Talked to the doc - blood work is perfect - we are ready to go for retrieval on Saturday!!!

We will be triggering tonight at 8pm...def feeling the nerves for this one as it is the first intramuscular shot we have to do...I know that in no time we will be professionals at them but got some nerves for the first one.

I am sure the less than 48 hours between now and Saturday will feel like eternity but it is so exciting how we are moving along through this journey. 

I have so much hope and excitement and am so scared for this...scared that if it does not work - the thousands of questions as to why!?! HOWEVER, when this DOES work..I cannot even express the joy that we will be consumed with! 

Deep breath. and keeping up the HOPE.

Day 8

More blood work and another u/s this morning....all moving along big news yet as I will not know our next step until they get the results of my blood work this afternoon but the nurse is thinking that we will HCG trigger tonight...and have egg retrieval Saturday. However, if that is not the case then, I'll head back to the office tomorrow for more blood work and another u/s and trigger tomorrow night with retrieval Sunday...So much info!! 

I really think that one highlight of being over anal (as I am) is that when you go through IVF, you have EVERYTHING written down and organized...if I wasn't so anal, I probs would be giving myself intra-muscular shots when I was supposed to be doing subcutaneous or messing up in one way or the other! 

I am stressing about the 'what-ifs' of the egg retrieval. What if there are not any eggs? My follicles look amazing (per the u/s tech) but that is no guarantee. 
We have had 4 failed IUI's that were timed perfectly...what if something is wrong with me and that is why they didn't work? 
Doc assures me all is okay...but I cannot help but worry...I want the retrieval to get here just so I can stop worrying about egg quality!!

We have a wedding Saturday night and even though that is close to retrieval, the nurse gave me permission to have a few beverages..I am HOPING that these will be my last beverages for a WHILE...hopefully about 9 months ;)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Moving along....

Back at doc again today! I had my lil dude in tow which of course adds excitement paired w/ stress to the trip! He snoozed for a lil bit of the appt then woke up and was in a MOOD. Lil man screamed, cried, grunted, pooped, screamed some more. Luckily, the nurses at MLF are amazing and kept him entertained while I was in the stirrups. 

All is moving along QUICKLY! We are on day 7 of injections and doc thinks that egg retrieval will be this weekend. 

Thus far, we have approx 17 follies....all measuring b/t 10 and 20....They want me back again tomorrow for another u/s and more blood work then back again friday as well with egg retrieval Saturday or Sunday.....then 3-5 days until implantation.

Of course I am stressing about one thing...IF we have a Saturday retrieval....and IF it is a 3 day wait before implantation - that means it will be implantation on Tuesday which I cannot do! Tuesday I have 3 papers due and a presentation at 430pm that I CANNOT miss.....Granted I am stressing off of a lot of unknowns and what if's...I'll just keep hoping that implantation is any day but Tuesday...then of course, keep hoping that it works and we find out we are pregnant in the next few weeks!! 

All will work out....Positive thinking and positive vibes nonstop! Deep breath.

Monday, December 3, 2012

The journey continues....

Another doc appt for blood work and u/s this morning and all is going great and right on schedule. 

We have about 7 follies on the right and 9 on the left - all measuring between 8cm and 15cm. Starting Ganirelix today in addition to our daily Menopur and Bravelle shots. Definitely feeling like a pin cushion over here but this is all so worth it....

Back to the doc again on Wednesday....HcG trigger will most likely be this weekend with retrieval early next week...Exciting times to come!!! Beyond excited for every step of this process! Still stressing about how I am going to balance end of semester-time-consuming-hell with work and all these doc the 24 hour bed rest after implantation but all will work out as it comes!! 

and per doc orders...I will enjoy being a lazy ass the next few weeks ;)

Saturday, December 1, 2012